81% of 10 year olds have dieted in an effort to obtain the perfect body  – although experts suggest that the current weight ideal is only obtainable by 5% of all women (SRIC, UK).

76% of Americans (and 84% of millennials) believe that a perfect “soul mate” exists and most believe they will know “the One” the instant they meet. (Wakefield Research/Princess Cruises)

Perfectionism is being increasingly recognized as a factor in many suicides

In addition, studies show that the pursuit of perfection increases procrastination and can actually prevent success in projects and undermine goal-achievement. “Creators understand this; you can hold onto a creation because it will never be perfect enough. But at some point you have to let your project it out into the world and let it be the contribution it is,” Dr Heer advises.

What is the Perfectionist Trap?

Dr Heer describes it in this way. “We have an idea if we can be perfect enough, we can stop feeling wrong about ourselves. So we keep judging ourselves, looking for signs of perfection. But in this judgement, we end up only seeing what’s wrong about us. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle” he explains. “We remain in a constant state of judgement. And it is the idea of striving for perfection that causes us to feel wrong about ourselves.”

“You can never feel right about you when you have to be perfect,” he adds.

How do we break out of it?

1. Ask yourself “how did I buy into this perfectionism?” Dr Heer maintains that people inherit the ideal of perfection from teachers, friends and parent figures. “Many parents have been taught that the way to make you a better person is to demand greater perfection from you. They are taught to withdraw their love if you are not perfect. So, we learn to strive to be perfect in order to gain acceptance,” Dr Heer explains.

2. Instead of striving for perfection, strive for greatness. “This means you are only seeking to be greater than yesterday; you’re not judging yourself for not being right enough. You’re not judging yourself for not being perfect. You’re not judging every mistake that you make,” Dr Heer remarks. “When you strive for greatness instead of perfection, you can see that the mistakes you have made contributed to who you are today.”

3. Recognize when you are judging yourself. “When you hear yourself in judgement of you, just STOP! See a hand in front of you, or a stop sign,” Dr Heer advises. “Then ask yourself ‘What’s right about me I’m not getting?’ This frees you from the cycle of constant self-judgement, opens your mind to other possibilities and allows you to see that you’re not wrong. It’s just that you’ve been focusing on what’s wrong about you and have not been seeing what’s right.”

According to Dr Heer, when you release the need for things to be perfect, you open yourself to many more possibilities. “Do you wait for all the traffic lights to be green between you and your destination, before you leave the house? Of course not! You take each light as it comes,” he remarks. “It’s the same with life. Don’t wait for everything to line up perfectly before you start something. Just step out and take each moment as it comes.”